AN ODE TO THE PERSON I ONCE WAS.

TO THE PERSON I WAS, REST IN PEACE TO OLD FRIEND

The person i was, no longer am

That sliver of light, that used to be, can no longer be see

And for the night I let my thoughts consume me totally. 

The person i was, not who i wanted to be

I struggle and fight, but to no avail, the numbness sets in 

And I no longer feel at all-

Losing this battle between waging within me. 

There are good days,

and numb days

There are bad days,

and there are days that don’t seem to end. 

FADE TO BLACK/

The meds keep me grounded, 

They keep me alive. 

Two hours in to this terrible night. 

The person i was…

I’ve lost count. 

No not again,

I cannot go back.

Those ice cold hospital walls. 

I knew I shouldn’t do it

But again and again and again,  

I swallow all these colours 

and drift off

Until i know not what I do.

DEEPER AND DEEPER

This hatred for the world has driven me mad. 

The hatred for myself has made me sad.

Im not perfect..

Not average.. 

…Not even close.. 

My family in tatters. 

These friends are nowhere to be seen. 

Life in ruins. 

there’s only one exit on this highway of life. 

No goodbye, 

No hello, 

Not even a smile. 

The only thing to do would be to end this life.  

DEPARTURE…

This illusion of happy. 

This mask that I’ve worn. 

Besides friends and my family, 

This world won’t be missed.

It’s always been said that you’re only missed when you’re gone.

Deep down I’m not sure if I can carry on this fight. 

An uphill battle. 

Day in and day out. 

I wake from this dream, 

Abrupt and at once. 

These thoughts in my head, 

In my head they will stay, 

Until the day that I rot 

In the only kingdom I’ll see 

2 foot wide and 6 feet deep.

• DANE CROUSER